Am I vulnerable to emotional blackmail? Take the test at the private practice of online psychologist Patric Pförtner.
Psychologist Patric Pförtner

Patric Pförtner

M.Sc. Psychologist, Doctoral Researcher

Test: Am I vulnerable to emotional blackmail?

"If you leave now, don't bother coming back." "Look at everything I do for you — and what do you do?" "If you really loved me, you wouldn't do this to me." Do you recognise sentences like these in your relationships? It may be that the other person is trying to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you.

Forms of emotional blackmail, after Susan Forward:

  • punishing blackmail: clear threats of negative consequences,
  • self-punishing blackmail: threats of self-harm,
  • suffering blackmail: creating guilt through one's own suffering,
  • seductive blackmail: expectation of return favours for help and support.

Emotional blackmail means that others try to assert their interests by manipulating us through guilt. This behaviour can occur in any interpersonal relationship: with a partner, with parents, friends or colleagues.

Originally written in German — read the original here: Emotionale Erpressung.

Emotional Blackmail Test: 10 Questions

All questions refer to the last 14 days. The answer options are scaled like a grading system — the first option counts as one point, the last as five. Choose one answer per question and click Evaluate Now at the end.

1. Are you afraid that your relationship will suffer if you assert your own wishes?

2. Do you often feel guilty when you don't do what others expect?

3. Do you think you are responsible for other people's feelings?

4. Do you avoid conflict even if it means your wishes go unmet?

5. Do you often feel you do more for others than they do for you?

6. Do you make a special effort to be nice when someone is dissatisfied with you?

7. Are you afraid of silence or sulking because you experience it as punishment?

8. Do you frequently feel inferior when someone is dissatisfied with you?

9. Do you often give up your own wishes to avoid arguments?

10. Do you find it difficult to express anger openly, even when you feel badly treated?

This online screening is not a diagnostic tool. Only a trained medical professional — such as a doctor, psychiatrist or psychotherapist — can advise you on the next steps.

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"Most arguments aren't the argument you think you're having."
"Trust doesn't grow through words. It grows through repetition."
"A strong relationship isn't one without conflict — it's one where you find your way back."
Psychologist Patric Pförtner is a registered full member of the BDP

Quality seal for psychological counselling awarded by the Professional Association of German Psychologists (BDP).

 Registered full member of the BDP

Registered full member of the Professional Association of German Psychologists (BDP).

 Online psychological counselling quality seal

For my work, the BDP has awarded me the "Counselling by Psychologists" quality mark.