Patric Pförtner

M.Sc. Psychologist, Doctoral Candidate

In a relationship, trust is the foundation upon which everything else is built. But what if this foundation begins to crumble?

The question of a partner's fidelity can act like a creeping poison, slowly eroding the relationship.

Many women ask themselves:

• "Are there clear signs that my husband is cheating?" or
• "How can I be sure that my intuition isn't deceiving me?"

Often, deeper questions torment us:

• "Why does a man cheat even if he loves his wife?" and
• "Can a relationship heal after a breach of trust?"

As a psychologist and couple's therapist, I encounter these questions daily in my online practice.

In this article, I want to show you not only the typical signs of male infidelity but also provide a deeper insight into the psychological backgrounds.

Let's explore the complex dynamics of fidelity and trust betrayal in relationships together.

Why does a man cheat even though he loves his wife?

A man can cheat for various reasons, even if he loves his partner. The causes are often complex and multifactorial. Common reasons include emotional or sexual dissatisfaction, lack of intimacy, a search for validation, midlife crisis, or unresolved personal problems. External factors such as stress, opportunity, or alcohol consumption can also play a role.

It is important to note that cheating is usually not an indicator of a lack of love, but rather a symptom of deeper underlying relationship or personal problems.

As a psychologist, I often see that infidelity is like an iceberg - what we see on the surface is only a small part of the problem. The true reasons are often hidden deep beneath the surface of the water.

The tip of the iceberg. Hidden beneath: the true problems.

Let's look at an example from my practice:

Client: "I just don't understand it, Mr. Pförtner. I thought we had a good marriage. Why did my husband cheat on me?"

"Why did my husband cheat on me?"

Me: "I can understand that you are confused and hurt. Infidelity is often very complex. Can you tell me more about what your relationship was like before the incident?"

Client: "We were married for 15 years, had two children. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but I thought we were happy. He always said he loved me."

Me: "That sounds like a stable relationship. Often, men don't cheat because they no longer love their partner, but because they are dissatisfied with themselves or certain aspects of their lives. Did you notice any changes in his behavior or mood before the affair began?"

Client: "Now that you mention it... He had a lot of stress at work. He often seemed absent, spent more time in the office. I thought it was because of the job."

Me: "That's an important observation. Sometimes people seek an escape from everyday life or a form of validation they miss in their lives through affairs. This doesn't justify his behavior, but it might help to understand it. How are you dealing with this situation?"

Client: "I'm so angry and hurt. But a part of me wants to understand why it happened. Maybe... maybe we both made mistakes?"

"I'm so angry and hurt. But a part of me wants to understand why it happened..."

Me: "It is very courageous of you to try to understand, instead of just condemning. This is an important first step towards healing, regardless of whether you wish to continue the relationship or not. Let's work together to understand the deeper causes and find ways for you to cope with it."

I am facing a decision and I don't know which path I will take.

Do you feel trapped in a similar situation? Then feel free to visit my online couples counseling.

Book your appointment now:

Signs of Infidelity in Men

1. Changes in Communication Behavior: If your partner suddenly becomes very reserved or, conversely, reports excessively detailed about his daily routine, this could be a warning sign.
2. Increased Attention to Appearance: A sudden interest in fitness or a new clothing style can be an indicator.
3. Emotional Distance: If your partner appears emotionally absent or avoids intimacy, this could indicate an affair.
4. Changed Habits: Irregular working hours or new hobbies that take up a lot of time can be warning signs.
5. Increased Vigilance with the Smartphone: If your partner suddenly never lets his phone out of sight or secretly checks messages, this could be suspicious.

Psychological Backgrounds of Infidelity

Infidelity often has deeper psychological roots. Men who cheat frequently seek not primarily sexual gratification, but emotional validation or an escape from personal crises.

A helpful exercise for self-reflection:

1. Write down which needs are met in your relationship and which are not.
2. Reflect on how you and your partner deal with conflicts.
3. Consider how you can improve communication in your relationship.

Dealing with the Suspicion of Infidelity

If you suspect infidelity, open communication is the first step. Avoid accusations, and instead talk about your feelings and observations.

Conversations with my clients often look like this:

Client: "I'm afraid to approach him directly. What if I'm wrong?"

Me: "This fear is understandable. But keep in mind that open communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Speak from an 'I' perspective about your feelings, without making accusations."

Healing After Infidelity

Healing after a breach of trust is possible, but it requires time, patience, and often professional help. Both partners must be willing to work on the relationship and take responsibility for their role.

Would you like to work on your relationship? Then feel free to visit my online couples counseling.

Book your appointment now:

FAQ

Can a relationship become healthy again after infidelity?

Healing a relationship after infidelity is possible, but challenging. The process typically requires intensive work from both partners, including open communication, forgiveness, and rebuilding trust. Professional help from couple's therapists can often be crucial. The chances of success depend on various factors, such as both partners' willingness to change, the depth of the trust betrayal, and the quality of the relationship before the incident.

Should I confront my partner with my suspicion?

Confronting a partner with the suspicion of infidelity is a delicate matter that should be carefully considered. Experts generally recommend open, non-accusatory communication as a first step. It is important to use "I" statements and describe one's own observations and feelings, rather than making accusations. The timing and manner of the confrontation can be crucial for the outcome of the conversation. It is advisable to first gather concrete evidence and sort out one's own emotions. In some cases, it can be helpful to conduct the conversation in the presence of a neutral third party, such as a therapist.

Do you have a problem in your partnership that you haven't been able to solve so far?

Then also book a free 20-minute introductory call via video call. With me, you get a psychologist who

• gives you space
• helps organize your thoughts
• empathetically accompanies your journey of change.

I look forward to it and remain with

Anticipation,

Your Patric Pförtner

Updated on: 11. Juli 2025

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