Patric Pförtner

M.Sc. Psychologist, Doctoral Candidate

As a psychologist and couples therapist, I sometimes encounter men in my practice who feel trapped in a relationship with a narcissistic partner.

Perhaps you know the feeling: you are unsure whether your feelings and perceptions are justified.

Questions like these might be running through your mind:

• "Am I too sensitive, or is my girlfriend's behavior really not okay?"
• "Why do I so often feel worthless and drained in this relationship?"
• "Is it normal for me to constantly doubt myself?"
• "Can my girlfriend change, or should I end the relationship?"
• "How can I protect myself without giving up on the relationship?"

These questions are completely normal and an important first step towards clarifying your situation.

In this article, we will together explore the 8 signs of a narcissistic girlfriend and show ways you can protect yourself in such a relationship.

But first, let's answer the following question:

How can I protect myself from a narcissistic partner?

To protect yourself from a narcissistic partner, it is essential to set and maintain clear personal boundaries. This includes learning techniques for emotional detachment and, if necessary, seeking professional support. Building a supportive social network outside the relationship and prioritizing your own emotional health are also important.

In extreme cases, protection from narcissistic abuse may require the ending of the relationship.

8 Signs of a Narcissistic Girlfriend

As a psychologist, I have often experienced that the signs of a narcissistic personality can initially be subtle. Imagine a relationship like a tandem skydiving jump:

In a healthy relationship, both partners glide harmoniously through the air, supporting each other.

In a narcissistic relationship, however, one partner constantly tugs at the reins, controls the direction, and leaves the other dangling helplessly.

Especially unpleasant: When your partner publicly humiliates you.

Here are the 8 main signs you should look out for:

1. Excessive Need for Admiration

• From a psychological perspective: This behavior often stems from deep-seated self-worth issues. Narcissistic individuals typically have a fragile self-image that they try to stabilize through external validation. The constant search for admiration serves as a shield against deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy.
• From a couples therapy perspective: In relationships, this behavior can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where the partner feels drained and inadequate. An imbalance arises where the narcissistic partner's needs always take precedence. In therapy, we work on developing a more balanced interaction and helping the non-narcissistic partner set their own boundaries.

2. Lack of Empathy

• From a psychological perspective: A lack of empathy in narcissism is often a defense mechanism. By avoiding emotional connections, narcissistic individuals protect themselves from potential hurt.
• From a couples therapy perspective: The lack of empathy can lead to feelings of isolation and not being understood in the partner. In couples therapy, we focus on learning communication techniques that enable the narcissistic partner to better understand and consider the other's perspective.

3. Exploitative Behavior

• From a psychological perspective: Narcissistic individuals often unconsciously believe that their needs take precedence over others'. In counseling, we work on challenging these beliefs and developing alternative perspectives.
• From a couples therapy perspective: In relationships, exploitative behavior can lead to a feeling of worthlessness in the partner. We work on finding fair compromises and helping the narcissistic partner recognize the other's needs as equally valid.

4. Grandiosity

• From a psychological perspective: Grandiose feelings often serve as a compensatory mechanism for deep-seated feelings of inferiority. In therapy, we work on developing a more realistic and stable self-image that does not rely on superiority over others.
• From a couples therapy perspective: In relationships, grandiose feelings can lead to a constant competition where the partner always feels inferior. We work on developing an equal partnership where both partners acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses.

5. Envy Towards Others

• From a psychological perspective: Envy is often an expression of insecurity and a feeling of being inadequate oneself. In counseling, we work on recognizing one's own strengths and developing a sense of inner worth that is independent of comparisons with others.
• From a couples therapy perspective: Envy can lead to destructive behavior in relationships, especially when the partner celebrates successes. We work on fostering mutual support and joy in each other's successes.

6. Hypersensitivity to Criticism

• From a psychological perspective: This hypersensitivity is often a sign of a fragile self-esteem. Criticism is perceived as an existential threat. Together, we work on seeing criticism as an opportunity for improvement, not an attack.
• From a couples therapy perspective: In relationships, this hypersensitivity can lead to communication blockages because the partner fears giving honest feedback. We practice constructive communication techniques and work on creating a safe space for open dialogue.

7. Manipulation and Gaslighting

• From a psychological perspective: Manipulation and gaslighting are often control mechanisms that arise from deep insecurity and fear of abandonment.
• From a couples therapy perspective: These behaviors can lead to severe psychological harm in the partner. In couples therapy, it is important to uncover and interrupt these patterns. We work on transparency, honesty, and mutual respect.

8. Lack of Accountability

• From a psychological perspective: The inability to take responsibility is often a defense mechanism against shame and guilt. Together, we work on tolerating these feelings and understanding that making mistakes is human and an opportunity for learning.
• From a couples therapy perspective: A lack of accountability can lead to frustration and a sense of injustice in relationships. We work on establishing a culture of mutual responsibility and learning from mistakes.

In couples therapy, it's important to emphasize that both partners are involved in the relationship dynamic.

While we work on the narcissistic tendencies, we also support the other partner in setting healthy boundaries and articulating their own needs.

The goal is a more balanced, respectful, and fulfilling relationship for both partners.

The Impact of a Narcissistic Relationship

The consequences of a relationship with a narcissistic partner can be profound. Many of my clients report a feeling of emptiness, self-doubt, and a loss of self-esteem.

Let's look at an example from my practice:

Michael: "I feel so torn. Sometimes my girlfriend is the most loving person in the world, and then, out of nowhere, she treats me as if I'm worthless."

"My girlfriend treats me as if I'm worthless! I can't go on like this."

Me: "That sounds like a very emotionally distressing situation. Can you tell me about a specific incident?"

Michael: "Last week I had an important job interview. When I told her about it, she just said, 'Well, let's hope you don't mess it up again.' When I told her that hurt me, she said I was too sensitive and that she just wanted to motivate me."

Me: "I can understand why you feel hurt by that. How did you react to that statement?"

Michael: "I apologized and promised her I would do my best. But somehow, I felt even worse afterwards."

Me: "It's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. A supportive partner would take your feelings seriously and not dismiss them as 'oversensitivity'."

Do you feel like Michael? In my online psychological counseling, you can openly talk about your fears, worries, and wishes.

Together, we will find ways to overcome your challenges. 

Don't hesitate to get to know me – I look forward to meeting you:

Developing Protection Mechanisms

To protect yourself from narcissistic behavior, it's important to develop and maintain strong personal boundaries. Here's an exercise I often recommend to my clients:

Exercise: The Inner Shield

1. Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
2. Imagine yourself enveloped by a warm, golden light.
3. This light is your personal shield. It allows positive energy to pass through, but blocks negative influences.
4. Visualize critical or hurtful words hitting this shield and bouncing off.
5. Affirm inwardly: "I am protected. I decide what I let affect me."
6. Practice this visualization regularly, especially before challenging situations.

Paths to Healing and Self-Discovery

The path out of a narcissistic relationship can be long and challenging, but it is possible. As a psychologist, I encourage my clients to reflect on their own needs and desires.

Paul: "I'm afraid to be alone if I end the relationship."

Me: "That fear is normal. But let's think about this: Do you truly feel less alone in your current relationship?"

Paul: (hesitates) "To be honest... no. Often I feel even lonelier when I'm with her."

"Often I feel even lonelier when I'm with her."

Me: "That's an important realization, Paul. Can you tell me more about when you feel lonely in the relationship?"

Paul: "Well, for example, when I want to talk about my day and she just rolls her eyes or shifts the topic back to herself. Or when I need support and she tells me not to be so sensitive, or that I'm an adult man and not a baby anymore..."

Me: "That sounds like your emotional needs are often not met in this relationship. How do you feel in those moments?"

Paul: (sighs) "Empty. Invisible. As if my feelings weren't important."

Me: "I understand. And now imagine you were single. How would you deal with those feelings?"

Paul: (thinks) "I... I would probably call my friends. Or my sister. They always listen to me."

Me: "That sounds like you already have a support network outside your relationship. How does it feel when you talk to them?"

Paul: (smiles slightly) "Good. Understood. As if I were important."

Me: "That's wonderful, Paul. The fear of being alone is understandable, but perhaps it's less about physical solitude and more about the feeling of being emotionally supported and valued?"

Paul: (nods slowly) "Yes, that... that makes sense. I hadn't even realized how much I had distanced myself from myself in this relationship."

Me: "That's an important realization. In our next sessions, let's work on how you can better perceive and communicate your needs, regardless of whether you stay in this relationship or not. The goal is for you to reconnect with yourself and build authentic connections."

Remember: Self-love and self-care are not selfishness. They are the foundation for healthy relationships.

In conclusion, I want to emphasize that the path out of a narcissistic relationship is not easy, but it is worth it.

With professional support, self-reflection, and building a strong support network, you can find a happier, more fulfilling life.

Do you feel like Paul? In my online psychological counseling, you can openly talk about your fears, worries, and wishes.

Book your appointment now:

FAQ

Can a narcissistic person change?

Change in narcissistic personalities is possible but requires intensive work and commitment. The process involves profound self-reflection, cognitive restructuring, and learning new behavioral patterns. The narcissistic person must first recognize their problematic behavior and develop a strong desire for change. Behavioral therapy techniques can help develop empathic abilities and modify dysfunctional thought patterns. The change process is lengthy and requires patience, perseverance, and continuous self-reflection.

How do I know if I'm in a narcissistic relationship?

Typical signs include chronic feelings of worthlessness, emotional exhaustion, and the feeling of being manipulated. Those affected often experience a destabilization of their self-esteem and perception of reality through gaslighting techniques. From a behavioral therapy perspective, dysfunctional interaction patterns are often observed, such as excessive praise-seeking behavior in the narcissistic partner and avoidance behavior in the affected individual. A professional assessment by a psychotherapist can help identify and understand these dynamics. Behavioral analyses and cognitive restructuring techniques are often used to recognize and change relationship patterns.

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissistic person?

A healthy relationship with a narcissistic person is extremely challenging and requires intensive work from both partners. From a behavioral therapy perspective, it is necessary to identify dysfunctional interaction patterns and replace them with healthier behaviors. This includes setting and enforcing clear boundaries, developing self-care strategies, and often professional support for both partners. The narcissistic partner must be willing to work on their behaviors and develop empathy, while the other partner must learn to protect themselves and articulate their own needs. Regular couples therapy can support the establishment and maintenance of new interaction patterns.

Do you have a problem in your partnership that you haven't been able to solve yet?

Then book a free 20-minute introductory call via video call. With me, you get a psychologist who

• gives you space
• helps organize your thoughts
• empathetically guides your journey of change.

I look forward to hearing from you and remain with

Anticipation,

Your Patric Pförtner

Updated on: 11. Juli 2025

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What Does a Toxic Relationship Do to the Psyche?

The First Therapy Session: What Will Your Psychologist Ask You?