Patric Pförtner

M.Sc. Psychologist, Doctoral Candidate

Narcissistic personality traits are often associated with men, yet women can also be affected – frequently in a more subtle, less obvious form.

As a psychologist, I frequently encounter clients in my practice who are struggling with the effects of female narcissism.

Perhaps you're asking yourself:

• How do I recognize narcissistic traits in women?
• Can a narcissistic woman change?
• How do I deal with a narcissistic partner?

In this article, we'll take a closer look at vulnerable narcissism in women, its symptoms, and potential therapeutic approaches.

Let's together unravel the complexity of this often misunderstood phenomenon and first answer the following frequently asked question.

Can Narcissistic Women Change?

Narcissistic women can change, but the process is often lengthy and requires intensive psychotherapeutic work. Change presupposes insight into problematic behavioral patterns and the willingness for self-reflection. Success is possible, but not guaranteed.

The path to change often begins with the painful yet crucial realization that one's own behavior is problematic and causes harm to others. This insight is the first, decisive step.

Narcissism is not curable, but it is manageable. Through targeted therapy and self-reflection, those affected can learn to control their symptoms.

From here, comprehensive psychotherapeutic treatment can begin, which typically involves a combination of different approaches:

1. Psychoanalytic therapy helps to understand and address the roots of narcissistic behavior.
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy supports the learning of new, healthier thought and behavior patterns.
3. Group or couple therapy can offer valuable insights into interpersonal dynamics.

In some cases, accompanying medication treatment may be beneficial, especially if additional symptoms such as depression or anxiety are present.

Behavior of Women with Vulnerable Narcissism

As a psychologist, I observe that vulnerable narcissism in women is often overlooked because it differs from the classic image of grandiose narcissism.

Typical behaviors include:

1. Extreme vulnerability and hypersensitivity to criticism

2. Shyness and social anxieties that mask a deep insecurity

3. Self-centeredness, expressed through constant brooding about oneself

4. Inability for genuine empathy, despite superficial caring

5. Tendency towards strong emotional crises when facing perceived rejections

These behaviors can be very distressing for those affected and their environment.

Often, vulnerable narcissism leads to unstable relationships and professional difficulties.

Here's an example from my psychological counseling:

Sofie: "Mr. Pförtner, I feel like something is wrong with me. I constantly feel misunderstood and hurt. At the same time, I notice that in relationships, I often make everything revolve around myself. Am I narcissistic?"

Me: "These are courageous observations you're sharing. Let's explore together what might be behind these feelings. Can you give me a specific example of a situation where you felt misunderstood?"

Sofie: "Last week, a friend canceled when we were supposed to meet. I was devastated and immediately thought she didn't like me anymore. I brooded over it for days and couldn't think of anything else."

Me: "I understand that this situation was very distressing for you. It sounds like you took the cancellation very personally and interpreted it as a rejection. Do you have any other examples?"

Sofie: "Yes, that actually happens to me quite often. Recently at work, my boss criticized a project I had been working on. I was so upset that I called in sick and didn't go to work for two days. I felt like he thought I was incompetent and worthless."

Me: "Thank you for sharing these experiences with me, Sofie. There seems to be a pattern where you experience situations very intensely and quickly feel rejected or criticized. Let's take a moment to pause and reflect on how these experiences feel to you."

Sofie: "It feels like the ground is being pulled out from under me. I then feel so small and worthless. At the same time, I'm angry and wonder why others don't see how hard I try and how special I am."

"I feel small and worthless."

Me: "I hear a deep vulnerability in your words, Sofie. It sounds like these situations trigger a very fundamental fear within you. At the same time, I perceive that you have a strong need for recognition and validation. This combination of vulnerability and the desire to be perceived as special can indeed point to narcissistic traits, especially what we in psychology call vulnerable narcissism. Perhaps it's time to consult a psychotherapist..."

Are you looking for a safe space for your thoughts? In my online psychological counseling, you can openly discuss your fears, concerns, and wishes.

Together, we can find ways to master your challenges. Don't hesitate to get to know me – I look forward to hearing from you:

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Therapy Options and Exercises

Treating vulnerable narcissism requires an empathetic and patient approach. As a psychologist, I often recommend a combination of psychotherapy, self-reflection, and practical exercises.

An effective method is cognitive restructuring, where we learn to identify and change negative thought patterns.

Here's an exercise I often suggest to my clients:

Exercise: Reality Check for Rejections

The goal of this exercise is to question automatic negative thoughts when facing perceived rejections and to develop a more realistic perspective.

Instructions:

1. Identify a situation where you felt rejected.

2. Write down your automatic thoughts that arose in this situation.

3. Put these thoughts to the test by answering the following questions:

- What evidence do I have for this thought?

- What evidence speaks against this thought?

- Are there alternative explanations for the other person's behavior?

- How would a neutral person evaluate this situation?

4. Based on your answers, formulate a more balanced, realistic thought.

5. Reflect on how your feelings change with the new thought.

By regularly practicing this exercise, those affected can learn to question their thoughts and develop a more objective perspective.

This can help reduce emotional extremes and promote healthier relationship patterns.

Are you unsure whether your relationship is still healthy? In a no-obligation initial consultation, we can discuss your situation and together find out what support would be beneficial for you. 

Book your appointment now:

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Conclusion

Vulnerable narcissism in women is a complex phenomenon that is often misunderstood. As a psychologist, I see it as my duty to approach those affected and their loved ones with empathy and professional expertise.

With the right support and therapy, positive change is possible.

Remember: The first step towards change is recognizing and accepting the problem.

If you recognize yourself in the described patterns or know someone who might be affected, do not hesitate to seek professional help.

FAQ

Is Vulnerable Narcissism Curable?

A narcissistic personality disorder, including the vulnerable type, is not curable. However, through targeted psychiatric-psychotherapeutic treatment, significant symptom relief can be achieved, so that those affected and their environment no longer suffer from it. Success requires active participation.

Can one have a healthy relationship with a narcissistic woman?

It is challenging, but possible, if both partners work on themselves and seek professional support. It is important to set boundaries and also maintain one's own boundaries.

Do you have a relationship problem that you haven't been able to solve yet?

Then book a free 20-minute introductory call via video call. With me, you get a psychologist who

• gives you space
• helps organize your thoughts
• empathetically guides your change.

I look forward to it and remain with

Anticipation,

Your Patric Pförtner

Updated on: 11. Juli 2025

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